Back in 1995 the internet was new and wild, and as home PCs became increasingly common (and even mainstream, no longer the domain of the nerdy) we as a society developed a bunch of new phobias to go along with them. For awhile, the computer was the magic wand, the tricorder, the sonic screwdriver - the MacGuffin that made all things possible. The new villain and/or hero of the cyber age wasn't the man with the biggest gun or the quickest draw, but the one who was the most computer-savvy, who had the best hardware, who was capable of harnessing the most megabits and twisting them to his purposes.
Even in a decade responsible for The Net, a cyber-crime identity-theft thriller starring Sandra Bullock, Hackers was still considered laughable by audiences for technical inaccuracy, which is a shame because once you put all that computer stuff aside it's actually quite good.
Ok, no it isn't. I'm biased. I love this movie. I have probably watched it more than fifty times. I recorded it off the TV onto a blank VHS tape and used to just leave the tape in there. During the summer holidays at the end of 1999, my morning routine involved walking downstairs, turning on the TV, and pressing Play on the VCR . The tape would roll, and the movie would play in the background while I browed the internet or played computer games. I effectively have this movie memorised. Reflecting on this paragraph, maybe I am admitting too much about my late teens.
What I like about Hackers is the design and interplay of the characters. Dade "Zerocool" Murphy (played by Jonny Lee Miller) is the new kid at school, hacker prodigy who is tied up in a battle he didn't start, but is empowered by the knowledge that he can fight a man's battle because the electronic playing field is level.
Although most of our characters share screentime pretty equally, these are our main players, so... on with the recap!
The movie opens on grainy footage of a suburban neighbourhood, a dog barking in slow motion, with a slight echo effect. I'm not sure if this was supposed to feel like stock footage or if it was purely done for dramatic effect. As the film progresses we see uniformed men with assault rifles charging across the lawn while confused residents of the neighbourhood look on, pausing in the middle of riding their bikes and watering their gardens as the men close in on a house.
Abruptly, we switch to colour and the film speeds back up to normal as one of the agents kicks in the door, scaring the hell out of a middle-aged woman in the middle of doing the dishes. Orders are barked: "Upstairs!" as the men ignore the woman and her pleas for information. Who are these men, what are they doing? They charge upstairs and pause outside another door before kicking it in.
We cut to a courtroom, stern faced persons gazing up at the judge as he recaps the crime - Dade Murphy, aka "Zerocool", released a computer virus that was responsible for crashing 1507 systems in a single day - including Wall Street trading systems. The camera pans across the faces and then suddenly all we see is see the top part of a neat blond haircut. The camera pans down to show us our master criminal - an 11 year old boy. This is Dade, child genius, extreme hacker, pre-teen.
I was 12 in 1995 and while I didn't see this movie until 1997, I considered this entirely believable. Sure, I was no master hacker in ‘95, but I sure knew more about computers than my parents or anyone older than me (at the time I had never met the people who, you know, designed, built and programmed computers and back in 1995 there were a lot of offices that weren't extensively using them yet. Amazing.)
The judge fines the Murphy family $30,000 and bans Dade from using a computer or touch-tone telephone until the day of his 18th birthday. Another side note, this whole touch-tone phone thing baffled me until it was expanded on later in the movie and I'm assuming it was supposed to - it's a sleeper line for later. I wonder how many non-experts knew about phreaking back in '95? I didn't, but I was a kid in high school, and not a real hacker. Maybe that made me this movie's ideal audience.
We cut forward, I'm assuming to the present day (present for 1995 anyway). We see an older Dade shades messing around with a computer which I don't recognise at all. It could have been custom built by the prop master for all I know. It could be a really old Apple, pre IIe era, and maybe that's what they used to dress it up. Since it soon becomes apparent that this is not in any way a real computer and the functions it performs are not indicative of real functions I guess it's not really relevant what this magic box really is.
His mother knocks on the closed door to his bedroom and tells him not to stay up all night, wishing him a happy birthday. You see, our little Dade is all growed up and plans to stretch his computing legs.
Dade makes a phone call and we briefly get a brief establishing shot of a small office building, which in this case is a TV studio called "OTV". The phone call is to a security guard, to whom Dade introduced himself as 'Eddie Vedder' from accounting. A bunch of pseudo-technobabble follows and while on one hand I appreciate that the writers wanted to make it clear that Dade is spewing a bunch of absolute nonsense, I have difficulty believing that a security guard would be baffled by a line as transparent as "My B.L.T. drive has gone A.W.O.L.".
Another side note: I was never a fan of Pearl Jam, and didn't get the Eddie Vedder joke until around 2005 - old people are stupid and on top of not understanding computer jargon, they also know nothing about popular music! Ha!
Communicating almost exclusively through grunts and nervous chuckles as Dade rambles on about Mr. Kawasaki asking him to commit hari-kari, the security guard is easily coaxed into reading out some numbers off a nearby modem, which seems to just be the phone number to dial into the modem.
So Dade has a phone number for the studio which happens to be right near a security guard. That makes sense, because we can assume that maybe the main line redirects to the security office after hours. But the modem is sitting there too, in arm's reach? And Dade just knew it would be there. So the modem that will give someone access to the internal network is just kind of sitting there? Seems like a pretty vital piece of equipment. One you'd normally find in a server room or something.
I also assume there are multiple modems and since there's no clear modem pool, they're probably scattered around the building like keys in an old video game. Seeing as how back in the days of dialup a modem would tie up a phone line pretty much entirely, there have to be multiple lines in based on what happens next.
Tapping away at his computer, Dade seizes control of OTV's archive/broadcasting system and fixes it so that he gets to watch The Outer Limits by manipulating a robot arm to pluck a tape from a shelf and manually insert it into a VCR . How did he know how to control the tape archive remotely? How did he know how to find the Outer Limits tape in a completely alien system? I don't know if we're just supposed to assume that this is a straightforward process, or an example of Dade's natural brilliance at computery stuff.
The veracity of hacking examples only gets more questionable from here.
As Dade toasts the episode of the Outer Limits with a soda and chuckles to himself, there's a noise reminiscent of but not quite an interrupting record scratch like they play in comedy movie trailers to indicate something unexpected has happened. It's a distorted digital noise that makes me wonder if they played a record scratch backwards on slow speed.
Something has seized control of his computer and a glowing message demands to know his identity - he begins to respond with the handle "Zerocool" but realises that name has his history attached to it and changes it to “Crash Override”. The intruder responds that they, "Acid Burn", are the master of this domain and that Dade will now be 'expunged'. If this was supposed to read like bad high school level prose (and there's every reason to assume that) then mission accomplished, Hackers. Excellent work.
What ensues is one of the most farcical references to computers and hacking that I think has ever appeared in a movie. This is the point that you have to decide if you are going to disengage your brain to continue watching and enjoy this movie, or if you actually feel your intelligence has been insulted enough, and it's now time for you to switch off and go somewhere else. If you stay through this, you are guaranteed to enjoy yourself. I am one of those people, and I am not ashamed of that.
Dade and the mysterious hacker engage in a hacking battle of epic proportions. Brightly coloured images whirl and flicker all over Dade's screen as he mercilessly pounds his keyboard. The scene is intercut with two robot arms racing back and forth across the tape archive at OTV, ejecting and inserting tapes that are conveniently queued up to scenes from movies that appropriately represent duelling, fighting, and a plane crashing into the ground.
Dade sends a taunt to 'Acid Burn', "Mess With the Best, Die Like the Rest" which takes him roughly a minute to type into the psychedelic mess that's swirling around his monitor. The text joins the swirling mess and disappears as if being flushed down a toilet. Moments later, 'Acid Burn' retorts with a snappy "U R Terminated" and his 'computer' completely shuts down, leaving him in the dark with a stunned expression.
Now it's morning and a sleepy Dade is emerging from his room while his mother folds some laundry. She picks up the phone and pretends to talk to a third person, complaining that Dade was up all night playing with his computer "for a solid week". I assumed this was the next day after his birthday and his hacking duel, but apparently not - otherwise this line is out of place. It doesn’t really impact the plot, so let's move on. Dade's mother coyly asks Dade if he likes girls, which he reassures her he does; only none he's met have been as charming as her.
He exits into the bathroom to shower; his mother hangs up on her pretend phone call and goes into Dade's room. She immediately storms out and bangs on the bathroom door, accusing him of hooking the computer up to the phone, reminding him if he screws up again he won't get into college. Frankly, since he's 18 now, I think that would be the least of his concerns.
Later, Dade finally attends school and after submitting his transfer papers is given the grand tour by a reluctant Kate Libby, played by a young Angelina Jolie in her first film appearance. She's really cute here, and I think the costumers/make up artists did a great job giving her a look that identifies her as indistinctly non-conformist, but in a subdued enough way that we can find it believable instead of, say... stupid.
For some reason Dade flashes on Kate entering the room with a bunch of random images of lips and eyes, including a piece of pop-art. This happens a few times over the course of the movie and I'm not sure why. I assume they were going to try and make some sort of point about information overload or Dade's immersion into computers and the media and disassociation with reality, but I guess they changed their mind and left these moments in without tying them together in any meaningful way. Or maybe it was just to make sure we were really paying attention to Kate's entrance here.
Kate gives Dade a tour, pointing Dade towards various facilities. Dade does a poor job of hitting on Kate which she doesn't even appear to notice, though she does laugh when he tries to follow her into a classroom and asks if he's in her class. She answers with a very pointed "No, you're not in my class", with a very clear but not overplayed double meaning.
Someone passing by at this moment identifies Dade as a new kid and tells Kate he should know about "the pool". Kate then wryly and seemingly reluctantly informs Dade about the swimming pool on the roof of the school building. For some reason, he heads directly up there instead of going to class, a bunch of other new kids, standing around looking like nerds. Seriously, there's an Asian kid in a checkered shirt with a pocket protector.
The door swings shut behind Dade and he quickly realises that it doesn't open from the outside. With the perfect amount of resignation and frustration, he states: "No pool." No shit. Just then, it starts to rain. Later, on a dripping wet Dade is walking down the hall while Kate and a friend laugh, Kate adding that he must've found the pool. This is punctuated with another mini-clip from a black and white movie featuring a woman being strangled.
We cut to a computer science class and while the teacher in the background introduces himself as a substitute teacher and drones on about how computers aren't toys, Dade is busy going through student records to transfer himself to Kate's English class. Another student nearby wearing a sleeveless leopard-print shirt watches apparently awed with Dade’s ability to copy paste.
Now this guy is about to become Dade's friend and looking back now, I think this guy is supposed to be gay. The clothing, the mannerisms, a subtle something in the way he talks... if he's supposed to be gay, I seriously only just noticed, which I think makes him my most favourite gay character ever. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm sick of stereotypical gay characters and yeah, I know, I just described a bunch of really stereotypical reasons why he probably is gay, but his sexuality is never actually referenced in the movie and he's never treated any differently to anyone else. He's also Mexican or something, which is even less relevant. Maybe I’m wrong about this whole thing, maybe he's just a bit flamboyant. The real point is it matters so little it took me until now to notice it.
After class, Possibly Gay Mexican chases Dade outside asking about Dade's interest in Kate, and casting aside allusions that Dade might want to bone Angelina Jolie, Dade swears he's only in it for revenge. Possibly Gay Mexican introduced himself as "Phreak", then clarifies "The Phantom Phreak", which completely fails to spark any recognition in Dade. Dade becomes distracted by a nearby basketball game as an energetic kid comes running up to Phreak, humming along on a stream of "dude dude dude dude dude dude" like a stoned motorboat until Phreak threatens to slap him. We learn the kid's name is Joey.
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| Dude. |
Joey is distressed because he needs "a handle", becoming concerned that he won't be recognised for his efforts as a hacker until he has a handle. Phreak takes this as his cue to leave, slapping Dade with an invitation to some place called Cyberdelia as he walks away, Joey trailing behind suggesting super awesome handles for himself like "Ultralaser" or "Doctor Doom".
Around the time I saw this movie, I actually read an article on online gaming in a PC gaming magazine, and the article actually suggested you not call yourself anything attention grabbing or bragging - it's a bit stupid to go ahead and call yourself "QuakeKing" for instance because then if you suck, you look really stupid. I guess the same principle applies here. Frankly I don't know that Ultralaser is worse than Zerocool, Crash Override, Acid Burn, or Phantom Phreak, but ok, we've established Joey is a dweeb because Phreak calls Joey hopeless.
Later we discover Cyberdelia is some kind of freakishly awesome teenage hangout. Neon clashes with black light, there's a massive skate ramp/path weaving throughout the centre with people rollerblading on it. There's video games all over the place. Dade is seated with Phreak and Joey and is introduced to "Serial Killer" played by Matthew Lillard - one of my favourite minor actors. You have just enough time to reflect that Serial Killer is a clever pun since serial is also a type of computer port, but a beat later Phreak clarifies "...as in Froot Loops", so the name is in fact "Cereal Killer". The character is portrayed as something of a stoner and moocher, so I guess that makes equal sense.
Cereal has brought a satchel of books and interrupts a story Joey is in the middle of telling, but I get the impression since Joey is so hopeless that Phreak and Dade weren't all that interested anyway - Dade participates in a welcome distraction by naming each book as it's pulled out of the satchel and then identifying each one by it's purpose and nickname, up to and including "the ugly red book that won't fit on a shelf". This seems to satisfy Cereal’s curiousity about Dade and assures him Dade is a legit hacker/computer dude.
Book naming aside, Joey gets back to his story about some system he accidentally stumbled into and started messing with, eventually realising he'd hacked into a bank. The next day, he read a story about some ATM in a town in Idaho
I didn't pick up on this at first, but when they say "password" here, they mean "User ID", and there is no actual password required. If some dickhead sysadmin uses the user ID "God", and you correctly guess that, then apparently you're into the system with unfettered access. Was computer security EVER this poor? Really? Could I have hacked any Unix system in the mid-90s by logging in and claiming to be 'root'? This would be like running America
Anyway, they move on from Joey's story to rhapsodizing about a really sweet computer system called "a Gibson" (named for, in case it wasn't obvious, Neuromancer writer William Gibson). They briefly chat about ways they would get around the excellent security on such a system. Meanwhile, Cereal has eaten all of Phreak's fries. Mooching and probably being a stoner are now established as some of Cereal's character traits. It’s not relevant to the plot, but it helps flesh out the character.
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| By the way, this is what the Gibson looks like. |
Dade meanwhile has wandered off to watch find Kate playing an arcade game. He watches her play then taunts her for having a "nice score, for a girl". The scoreboard shows all the top scores belong to Kate and she just set a personal best. She invites him to do better, which he proceeds to do. During his play, another guy comes up and leads Kate away - her boyfriend. He has no real personality but that's alright, we won't see him for long. As the only girl in this movie, Kate is clearly going to end up with Dade at some point.
Dade is momentarily distracted from his game but quickly gets back into it. There's some overlays of the game on Dade's focused expression that I guess imply he's really immersed in the game, and we're probably supposed to assume that since Dade is a really good hacker he's also really good at games too - it's all computers, right, what's the difference? Actually, given the way the hacking is generally depicted in this movie, maybe there isn't one.
Eventually Dade’s game ends. Dade watches and is joined by Phreak as his score stomps it's way up the leaderboard, literally smashing each of Kate's scores until it takes her place at the top of the leaderboard. He looks over at Kate who sullenly leaves with her boyfriend.
Outside, Dade spots Kate and her boyfriend making out on his motorcycle. Phreak advises Dade that his name is Curtis and about all he does is "look slick all day". I guess that means that he's not a hacker and therefore not relevant. His total screen time in this movie is now about half done. Kate looks back as they ride away on the motorcycle. I'm not sure if she's supposed to be looking at Dade or just looking generally disinterested in going home with Curtis. Either way, she looks unhappy I guess that's all we need to know for now.
After a brief scene to remind us of the existence of Dade’s mother, Dade is tinkering with his computer and appears to be resetting the time for a fire alarm test. We immediately cut to the next day at school while Dade stands alone in the corridor, looking at his watch. Phreak happens by - apparently these two students alone had nowhere better to be. Dade then deploys an umbrella just as the alarm goes off and the fire sprinklers activate. At the speed everyone busts out of the classrooms I imagine he timed it to coincide with the end of a class bell. Phreak laughs as excited students flood the corridors, frolicking in the downpour of mindless vandalism.
Of course Kate happens to be nearby and stops by Dade as the only dry person in the place to accuse him of the crime. He responds that the pool on the roof must've sprung a leak, which I actually thought was a nice touch. Why not wreck the school and soak everyone to get revenge on one person for a prank? Phreak's enjoying it, anyway.
We cut again to a class presumably later in the day. I could be imagining it but Kate still seems a little bedraggled from the water and is wearing an oversized jersey I assume she borrowed somewhere, so I don't imagine they skipped forward to the next day. Kate is reading a quote she's written on the board which I'll share verbatim since it's self explanatory:
"Dog gave men brains larger than dogs so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties" - Ruth Libby.
The teacher of the class (in fact, the only teacher we ever actually see) calls Kate out on this, questioning whether Kate's mother counts as a significant author of the 20th century. Kate responds that her last book sold over twelve million copies... so there, teacher man. There's another quote which Dade identifies as Ginnesberg, drawing Kate's attention to the fact he's present. She protests, as he's not supposed to be here - the teacher laconically states that since Dade is on his list, he must be supposed to be there.
Leaving Kate to fume about this, the teacher then reads another quote written up alongside a grinning Cereal Killer: "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most" which Cereal gleefully identifies as being the words of the great Ozzy Osbourne. The teacher has no idea who Cereal is - we learn Cereal's real name, "Manuel Goldstein", is NOT on the teacher's list and he's chased out ("Whoa, this isn't woodshop class?!").
In another scene presumably that night, Joey is in the midst of another hack which seems to consist of a tank of cloudy water lit up by floating mathematical equations. He's so excited by this, he actually kisses his computer (named Lucy, apparently) and earns a brief electric shock, I assume because of his braces. That was probably supposed to be funny, but I was more amused by the look of concentration on his face immediately afterwards because it kind of looked like he was upset at his computer for betraying him.
A tech geek who as far as I can tell is never named and is wearing shades (possibly to protect him from the glare of the glowing glass columns in this room that are apparently the servers) and has a ponytail, so I'll call him Ponyshades. Actually, I just realised this really familiar looking guy is played by Penn Jillette, of Penn & Teller.... Pennyshades? Nah, Ponyshades it is. Ponyshades identifies an intrusion. Someone is logged in as "GOD", but not from inside the building. Intruder alert!
Ponyshades goes ahead and calls his boss, "Mister Belford" who having just been woken up and is mumbling half-asleep from under bedcovers "My name is THE PLAGUE". What.
Ponyshades stammers that there's "something weird happening with the net", and he says "the net", so he could mean either the network or the internet. If he means the internet, that's perfectly understandable - I mean, I've seen 2 girls 1 cup.
We cut back to Joey and his hacking, where has discovered something interesting. He isn't really sure what but he needs proof he was there and begins copying some files to a floppy drive - which takes an incredibly long time.
The Plague turns up in a long coat on a skateboard, so you know he's cool. Actually in a kind of pre-hipster era ironic sort of way this actually works for him. He's clearly older, maybe in his 30s, but he pulls this off so casually that I can believe it. He quickly glances at the monitor while Ponyshades explains why the login looks suspicious and clarifies that indeed "God" wouldn't be up this late. Trace the call!
Back at Joey's place he's enjoying a cigarette while he waits for his file to finish downloading (to a plot convenient floppy disc) when his mother knocks on his door and tries to open it, stopped by a security chain (I can fully appreciate why a teenage boy with a computer and internet access might want one of these on his bedroom door, so no, I never once questioned why the mother doesn't find this suspicious). Joey puts out his cigarette and sprays some air freshener before letting his mother in, she promptly charges in flailing her hands and shooing Joey to bed, switching off the computer.
With foresight unbecoming his character, as soon as his mother leaves Joey pops the disk out, puts it in a box and hides it in a vent above his bed with his other contraband – cigarettes and porn. Meanwhile, Plague and Ponyshades have lost their trace, but to Plague's delight, not before they identified the location of the intruder. Plague then orders someone to get the Secret Service on the line. I'm not sure why he goes straight to the Secret Service with this, maybe that's actually correct procedure. It seemed a little overboard to me.
It just occurred to me as of this writing that mentioning the FBI for “across state lines” matters earlier is actually a very neat little setup for this – obviously it explains why all the events for this cybercrime are local to New York City and not interstate or international. Joey was ‘smart’ enough to not attract the attention of the FBI, so he kept his activity local.
Meanwhile, Phreak, Dade and Cereal have gone to visit another friend. While waiting Dade asks the others about a mysterious hacker named "Acid Burn", but Phreak and Cereal don't seem to know anything.
A mysterious hooded figure known as "Lord Nikon" answers the door. At first he's a reluctant doorman, wanting to know more about Dade - he assumes he's not a real hacker when he has no great hacks to take credit for, but Phreak vouches for him and they go in, Cereal asking to crash at Nikon's place.
The group is watching a new interview of a Secret Service agent called Richard Gill, who is talking about hackers and the threat they pose to society. Cereal considers him hacker public enemy #1, but the subject is soon changed as they flip to another channel showing a test pattern - Nikon, Phreak and Cereal count down and a show abruptly starts. The program is called Hack the Planet, and is hosted by a duo of Asian men calling themselves Razor and Blade.
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| I'm not sure which is which. Is that racist? |
They run through a couple of hacking tips such as recording the tone a phone makes when you drop money into it then playing it into the handset so you can use payphones for free. I'm guessing this is actually a thing you used to be able to do.
The next morning, Joey is singing in the shower when a SWAT team busts in. He's dragged into the living room wearing only a towel, which he promptly loses when he makes a lunge for the guy carrying parts of "Lucy" out of the room. At the same time his screeching mother makes a lunge for him, and we get a closeup of Joey's butt, immediately followed by a closeup of his mother's shocked face. Of everything in the room that could be upsetting her, it seems her son's butt is the most troubling. Ok, I can see that.
We then cut to Richard Gill of the Secret Service being briefed by a younger officer, who tells Gill they got "an uncorrupted hard drive" which is waaay beyond Gill's technical skill. He drops some garbage about protecting the president and all this mumbo jumbo making him feel dumb.
The younger officer clarifies that as they caught Joey by surprise, he wouldn't have had time to erase anything. Now I assumed he was being literal when he said "uncorrupted hard drive", because I guess Joey could have corrupted his hard drive to hide the incriminating evidence. However, Gill's reaction makes me wonder if this was supposed to be some kind of impenetrable technobabble slang, kind of a euphemism like “caught him with his pants down”. Then again, they did that too, I guess.
As exposition goes this was really effective. We now know Gill is absolutely the wrong guy to be hunting hackers and the conversation has brought Gill to a reporter wanting to interview him about Joey's arrest and I'm pretty sure this is the same footage Dade et al were watching earlier. I'm not sure if it is supposed to be the same footage, or if it's just to indicate Gill uses the same canned response every time someone asks him about hackers. We see Joey being hauled down the stairs in the background, something we didn't see on the TV earlier (else I'm pretty sure someone in the room would have mentioned it).
Later on (I assume the same day) Plague is present in a boardroom at Ellingson Mineral - an oil company. A woman enters and comments wryly on his dress sense. Now I don't personally see anything wrong with his clothing, but I'm a twenty-something nerd who was 13 when this movie came out, and not a female executive with a penchant for power suits.
Plague commences to explain that a hacker broke into their systems. The woman interrupts to chastise Plague for allowing this to happen, at which Plague turns on her and very pointedly advises that the hacker got in with a "superuser" account and that people should read his memos about commonly used passwords. He runs through the same list as before: love, secret, sex and - very pointedly right to the woman - "God". And in case we didn't get it, he asks "her holiness" if she'd care to change that.
Once again, apparently in 1995 all you needed was a "password". Throw any old shit at a computer and you're in. I mean if a company has a couple of thousand employees, that's a couple of thousand passwords, right? My cat could walk across my keyboard and break into this kind of system.
Anyway, Plague exposits that the hacker left a virus that caused a remote-controlled oil tanker to flood it's tanks and capsize. He then plays on screen a video of "the Da Vinci Virus", an image of Da Vinci's representation of man actually speaking allowed in a distorted voice that demands five million dollars, or the same thing happens to the whole fleet of oil tankers.
Someone suggests that the tankers be put under manual control. Apparently this is no longer an option, because hey, what not leave tankers at the total automated mercy of computers. They never fail!
Now I know this doesn't really need an explanation, but let's recap:
Useless kid hacker Joey breaks into Ellingson Mineral's system (hereafter referred to as "The Gibson") and steals a random garbage file. The computer security expert claims there was a virus planted and the company's fleet of tankers is basically being held ransom. I think this guy might be a bit suspicious, you guys!
After Plague is done reassuring the suits in the boardroom that everything will be fine because he traced the call and has the hacker is custody, the woman (her name is Margo, by the way) catches up to Plague on the escalators to ask him what the hell that was all about.
We now learn from this exposition-laden conversation that Plague and Margo have a plan to steal money from Ellingson Mineral and they key was the garbage file Joey just happened to steal - Plague created the virus and called in the secret service to seize Joey's computers.
Margo asks Plague if he seriously created a virus that would spill millions of gallons of oil into the sea just to expose some kid hacker, and he gleefully admits that yes, this is the basic idea. Margo is sickened by this, but not at all interested in walking away from the plan to steal 25 million dollars. Hey, you know what, can't blame her there.
Later, Gill is talking to Plague, advising him that they've gone through everything and found no trace of the stolen data. Gill assures Plague that they'll put a tail on Joey to see if he has any accomplices he might have handed the file off to.
Later still, a couple of secret service agents (“Bob” and “Ray”) are sitting outside Joey's place, a little (understandably) cranky about their job doing surveillance on a kid. There's a little banter backwards and forwards about the Hacker's manifesto and free access to information, and apparently wanting this freedom is "commie bullshit". An interesting point - it seems in America
At school, Dade, Phreak and Cereal give us some exposition on Joey's "bust", speculating it might have to do with his bank hack. We don't see any scene which sets this up and I assume it wasn't something that was shot then cut later - they just know. Cereal asks if Joey could hack a Gibson, and I really don't know why he would have brought this up since it's apparent they don't know about the Ellingson Mineral hack yet.
Phreak invites Dade out to a party which Dade is reluctant about until Phreak mentions it's at Kate's place. When Dade hesitates too long, Phreak concludes Dade will be attending, and by extension, has proved that Dade totally wants to hit that.
We now get a brief scene where Gill enters Plague's office and interrupts a thrilling game of whatever the hell Plague was playing in a virtual reality unit to hand over a file, which disgusts Plague and his computerish ways ("ugh... hardcopy"). Gill has discovered Dade might be one of Joey's accomplices. Of course, we know why this is interesting to the Secret Service, though I am a little baffled why Gill is sharing so much information with Plague, because Plague pretty much runs the investigation from here. I assume it's because Gill is three days from retirement and getting too old for this shit, or something.
Dade is returning home, presumably from school when he's accosted by agents Bob and Ray who hustle him through his apartment and into his room where they throw him down on the bed (no, not like that). Plague and Gill are present and Plague mentions a virus that crashed fifteen hundred systems in one day - Dade has a brief flashback to himself as a child in the courtroom, promptly correcting: "fifteen hundred and seven", which causes Bob and Ray in the background to nudge each other and look impressed.
Gill launches into a very official sounding rundown of how they know Dade is friends with Joey, and suspect him for the Da Vinci virus. Plague looks bored and indicates the agents should all leave him alone with Dade, because that completely makes sense. After they leave, Plague gives Dade's balls a verbal tongue bath, complimenting him on his impressive work with his virus and asking for a treaty.
Dade refuses, which prompts Plague to smash some stuff with a bat then leave.
We cut to Dade lying in bed when his door opens and Kate enters. Without a word, she unzips her motorcycle Jacket to give us a brief glimpse of her (itty bitty) breasts, which to my knowledge is the first time we see Jolie topless. I'm assuming she got a boob job after this, because these things are beestings compared to what she's packing these days. She leaps on Dade and starts making out with him, only to have secret service agents bust in and drag her away - Dade wakes up in a cold sweat.
Psyche! Not the worst dream you could have about Angelina Jolie I guess, but not great either. Dade has a lot on his mind, clearly.
At the party (presumably later that night) Phreak is explaining to Dade how Kate's mother makes a living on self help books with titles like "Women who love men who are emotional amoeba" (that was a Jerry Springer episode, wasn't it?). Dade seems to think this explains a lot about Kate, though in all honesty, how well does he really know her? At this point in the movie they've accumulated about two minutes of screen time together, including the part that was just a dream. Then again, you could take this line as Dade just going along with whatever Phreak says about Kate to downplay the massive crush he has on her.
This party is packed and it's one of those parties teenagers only seem to have in movies - a hundred people all dancing and having a great time, etc. I was never invited to a lot of parties in high school but I'm pretty sure no one at my school was having parties anything like this. Maybe we all gave up after teenage comedies of the 90s set our expectations too high.
Nearby, Nikon and Cereal are checking out a girl while Nikon recites a bunch of her personal information. Dade cuts in to ask how he knew that - Nikon brags about his photographic memory. Get it? Nikon? Photograph? I wonder if he would have been called Lord Canon or Kodak if they'd cut a larger cheque. He calls out the girl's name which elicits a background "hey, how'd he know my name?" which I have to admit is a good point. Even if Nikon didn't have a photographic memory, where DID he get the personal information for a girl who's never met him? Nikon, you sly dog.
Instead of being at the party, Joey is at an anti-addiction meeting as part of a plea bargain: no time served if he admits he needs help for his computer addiction. He's puffing on a cigarette in each hand and is constantly sipping from a cup of coffee, while protesting he isn't REALLY an addict. He drains his coffee then hastily departs to go get another cup. Honestly, this is one of my favourite scenes even though it's not really related to anything. I'm glad they didn't have to cut it for time or anything.
Back at the party, our hacker gang have made their way into Kate's bedroom and started messing around with her laptop, even switching off the lights to admire the display capabilities. Almost immediately, Kate enters with Curtis and fall onto her bed, failing to notice the four guys standing nearby. As Curtis starts undressing Kate, the guys quietly perv from the corner until Nikon inadvertently mutters a compliment about "Burn", which prompts a startled response from Dade and blows their cover.
The lights come up while Kate demands to know why they're there, which is reasonable seeing as how they're hanging out in her room and just saw her half naked. Somehow the Kate-bomb is immediately defused when Nikon compliments her computer - Curtis departs when he realises Kate is going to choose her computer over him, never to be seen again. We completely fail to care since Curtis had no personality whatsoever. Dade and Cereal mock his departure and Kate just now notices Dade is in the room, immediately going back into rage mode.
Phreak tries to calm her down by informing her Dade is there as his guest, which doesn't help in the slightest. Dade confronts her about being Acid Burn and introduces himself as Crash Override. She mocks him for invading "her turf", i.e.: the TV station. Cereal points out that if you pair their names together, you get "Crash and Burn", which I admit is way cooler sounding than "Brangelina" or "Bennifer".
At Plague's loft, he's busy tapping away at his computer while Margo is in the middle of getting dressed - if it wasn't apparent already, their relationship is more than professional or criminal. Plague explains that he's now hacked the FBI database, and plans to use Dade's mother to get control of Dade.
Back to the party, Dade is taking advantage of Kate's absence to mess around with her computer, which at least looks like a real computer and not the weird electronic hulk Dade's been working with so far. She enters the room and they engage in some playful innuendo-laden computer banter ehich turns into a veiled debate about who's the better hacker.
Eventually they settle on a hacking duel - if Kate wins, Dade becomes her slave (the boring kind). If Dade wins, Kate has to go out on a date with Dade. They shake on it and we cut to a brief montage of Dade and Kate preparing themselves for the contest, with Kate medicating and flipping through a notebook and Dade playing quick-draw and doing a Taxi Driver impersonation with some diskettes in the mirror. I have a feeling if some kid watched this movie 15 years from now, not knowing what diskettes are, they'd going to assume that they're some kind of really advanced technology, far surpassing the DVD or Blu-Ray.
Over the montage, Phreak explains that the contest will be to see who can cause the most trouble for Richard Gill as revenge for arresting Joey. After a brief pause, we then cut to another montage of Dade and Kate alternating hacks from a laptop in a variety of public locations.
From a payphone, Kate hacks into a bank and tampers with Gill's account info: Richard is at lunch at a fancy restaurant and the waiter cuts up his credit card.
Dade hacks into an online personals column and edits an advertisement with Gill's number, implying Gill is into a bunch of kinky sex: we see Gill struggling to cope with a huge volume of phone calls from local perverts. Far be it from me to critique Dade's hacking techniques, but wouldn't the same thing be accomplished by just placing the ad directly rather than hacking into and editing someone else's? Or maybe Gill really did have a personal ad and they just changed it. It's not really explained.
- From the observation deck of the Empire State
- From another payphone, Dade hacks into the secret service personnel records and changes Gill's status to deceased: Gill calls the accounts department and is a little bit shocked to find out his status.
At Cyberdelia (the cool hacker hangout of the future!) the gang is standing around waiting for judgement on Dade's hack. They're all very impressed by Gill's untimely demise, but apparently this only brings Dade even with Kate. Phreak suggests they improvise the next round, and for some reason Dade takes this as a cue to up the stakes: Dade challenges Kate to wear a dress on their date - Kate challenges Dade to the same. After a second or two to consider it, Dade agrees.
In a dark room we see hands caressing a lithe figure in a red bustier, with a slow soundtrack and soft moans blending with the porno soundtrack - then the camera pans up to show Dade's face as belonging to the body in the outfit. As a tribute to Dade's earlier dream sequence, Kate sits up in bed, gasping for breath... then smiles, lets out a soft moan and flops back down to go back to sleep.
Next day at school Dade is walking down the hall when Kate calls out to get his attention - she flips open her locker to reveal the red bustier outfit she dreamed about the night before. She makes it clear she has no intention of being the one wearing it by stating she had to guess his size.
This brief aside over with, we see Dade at home receiving a package - a brand new laptop. Now I guess it's supposed to be some top-end shit but what really strikes me is the clear plastic shell. Remember that, you guys? When we started making our electronics casings clear so we could see all the wires and circuits and whatnot? We had clear plastic Gameboys, clear plastic XBoxes and apparently, clear plastic computers. I wish I was clear plastic.
He flips it open and it immediately starts playing a video of the Plague, who seems to have realised threatening Dade isn't getting him anywhere so why not a bribe? Free computer! Please be my friend and don't use this computer to hack me or anything.
Plague raves about them (him and Dade) being "the keyboard cowboys" and all the other people (I guess, non-hackers?) as "the cattle" which I guess sounds cool and all and I see the point he's trying to make, but it still comes across as entirely delusional. Maybe it was supposed to? Am I being too forgiving? Yes, probably.
Plague asks Dade for the disk and at this point it's a pretty big request because Plague doesn't really know about a "disk". For all he knows, Joey didn't copy the garbage file at all! I understand his need to take precautions but he's being pretty specific for a guy who's really only guessing.
At Joey's place, his mother takes pity on him and decides to un-ground him, deciding he's suffered enough for being arrested by the secret service. As soon as she leaves the room he scrambles for his air vent and retrieves the diskette with the garbage file on it.
If I could make one recommendation to Joey right now, it would be to take the file he was arrested for hacking on a disk to a public place and meet with one of your known accomplices. Oh man, he’s actually doing it! Dude, I was kidding!
Joey meets Phreak in the park and they discuss the file. Joey has trouble convincing Phreak this file is what he was busted for, but I guess Phreak realises Joey's legit when he notices a agent Bob agent taking photos of them by sitting in plain view and resting a telescopic lens backwards over his shoulder and snapping randomly. You know what would be less conspicuous? Just about anything, I think.
Joey and Phreak run in separate directions, pursued by an agent each. Phreak obviously makes it away from his pursuer because he's in a bathroom at the school sticking the diskette to the back of a condom dispenser with some gum.
He then proceeds home and apparently destroys all his hacking-related notes in anticipation of a bust. Frankly I don't know if he actually did any of this or not because it kind of bleeds into a dream sequence where secret service agents bust in and arrest him.
When he is woken by his mother the next morning though, she opens the blind and a secret service agent with an assault rifle hops in through the window, like he'd been perched there for hours just waiting for the opportunity. Good going Phreak's mom, everything would've been fine if you kept that shade down!
Agents quickly fill the room and Gill places Phreak under arrest for computer fraud. Phreak's mother glares at her son and starts slapping him in the head while yelling at him in Spanish which 'comically' results in Phreak urging the secret service to hurry up and arrest him.
They take Phreak to the police lockup downtown (I guess) where he's led past some cells of hooting prisoners to a phone. The phone has a locking plate over the keypad to prevent him trying to dial anything other than the number that the guard enters for him. Now it seems to me Joey could use that call to dial anyone he designated, not just... whoever the hell is dialled for him (his mother, who already knows he's been arrested? A public defender? We never find out.)
Phreak starts hammering on the exposed hang-up hooks until the phone diverts him to an operator. He pleads that he's having trouble dialling a number and gives the operator a new number to dial, which is Kate. I can appreciate why Phreak wouldn't want to implicate Kate in all of this so I can understand why he didn't just tell them to call her or another of his hacking friends in the first place, but it always struck me as a bit odd regardless. Maybe I should try getting arrested sometime.
Once Kate answers, Phreak quickly explains that Joey's bust was legit and that they're now trying to implicate Phreak in the Da Vinci virus. They have to work fast to find out what's on the disc before they're all busted. As the cop returns to finish up Phreak's phone call, he quickly babbles that "it's in that place I put that thing that time", which is such a fantastic line that I have spent the last ten years just waiting for an opportunity to use it. No such opportunity has arisen.
Kate goes into the boy’s bathroom and approaches the condom dispenser. She quickly retrieves the disk but notices a lot of guys watching her, so she covers this by buying a condom and swaying on out of there like it's no big thing.
Immediately (and possibly aptly) we have a cut and Dade's mother opens her door to see Kate standing there. Kate gives her a slow up-and-down glance which actually comes across as really insulting. Dade's mother shrugs this off and seems to think this girl explains all of Dade's odd behaviour recently. Well, ok, she might have a point. She invites Kate in and she's followed by Cereal - they proceed to Dade's room.
Kate bluntly says she needs Dade's help, which Dade starts to mock her for, since technically they're still duelling. Cereal interjects to insist that Dade and Kate put aside their differences for the greater good. It's actually not a bad little speech so I'll copy it here verbatim:
“Truce, you guys. Listen, we got a higher purpose here, alright? A wake up call for the Nintendo Generation. We demand free access to data, well, it comes with some responsibility. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things.”
(pause)
“What? It's Corinthians I, Chapter 13, verse 11, no duh. Come on.”
Kate informs Dade that whatever is on the disc has resulted in Joey and Phreak being busted. Dade quickly states that he can't touch the disc since everyone who does gets busted - now technically he only JUST found that out, so it seems like his judgement is a little snappy here, but I can't technically fault him for it.
Cereal leaves the room is disgust, which I can't technically fault him for either. Kate appeals to Dade, really putting her honour as a hacker on the line by practically begging Dade for help - and the asshole still shoots her down. I know it's part of the traditional "Hero's Journey" to refuse the call, but we're like two-thirds of the way through the movie at this point.
Eventually she convinces him to at least keep a copy of the disk so when everyone else gets busted they have some uncorrupted evidence (half a garbage file... yeah, that'll help).
Dade's mother pops her head in to offer Kate and Dade free access to the refrigerator, adding that Cereal has already extended himself this liberty. This is the last we see of the "Cereal is a freeloader" running gag so I assume it’s also the punchline. Was it worth it?
Later on, Kate and Cereal gone, Plague phones Dade and tells him the girl has the disk - how he knows this is not explored or explained. Dade again refuses to help until Plague sends his laptop a file - a doctored FBI record with a bunch of drug and fraud violations (we also finally learn Dade's mother is called Lauren).
Plague tells Dade if he won't co-operate, he'll upload the fake record, have Dade's mother arrested, and then replace the original so that she simply disappears into the system.
Dade still isn't buying it but isn't taking any chances either. There's a rather sweet scene where Dade pulls a blanket up over his sleeping mother where she's crashed out on the couch, then goes outside to call Plague from a payphone and agree to give him the disk while at the same time trying to get Plague to understand Kate isn't involve. Plague ignores this and just assures Dade that his mother is safe now.
On reflection, I actually think it's really well done how this contrasts with your typical ransom scenario. Dade can physically see and touch his mother, she's safe and sound upstairs in their apartment - but he still can't protect her.
There are a few cuts here to indicate time passing, then a limo approaches with Plague slipstreaming on his skateboard. Dade holds out the disc which Plague snatches from him as the limo passes.
The limo stops a little further up the road so Plague can hop back in (why did he even pull the skateboard stunt in the first place?) and while it's stopped, Dade starts to run after it until it's departure is conveniently obscured by a rush of steam escaping from a grate in the sidewalk and the limo pulls away around the next corner. Why? Did Dade suddenly change his mind? Maybe he does instantly regret his decision which would explain what happens next.
Dade goes to Kate's place where Nikon and Cereal are also hanging out, examining the code on the disk - well, really admiring it. Cereal concludes because it's so neat and tidy that a hacker must've written it... which is an interesting leap of logic, but let's move on.
Dade is desperately trying to confess what he's done to Kate but she's too wrapped up in unravelling the garbage file code, which gets Dade's attention too. Acting practically on autopilot, he takes a seat in front of the computer as Nikon literally *points* to the part of the code that is missing/corrupted.
Dade takes over and we get a super-speed montage of Dade working tirelessly at the computer while the others buzz around. Pizza boxes appear and the pizza within disappears. Huge sheafs of paper are laid out around the room, because I guess printing it all out makes sense for some reason?
Eventually we return to normal speed and Dade announces the Garbage file isn't really a virus - it's a worm. The worm "nibbles" a few cents off each transaction the company makes, gradually nibbling more and more. It's currently taken $21.8 million and when it ends it's run in three days, it'll have accumulated $25 million. Guess who has plans for all that money?
As the crew pace around trying to figure out who wrote it, Dade blurts that he knows the guy - the security guy from Ellingson. he also admits he handed him a copy of the disk before he knew what was on it, which causes some serious aggravation. Kate is the first to cool off, wanting to know why Dade was tagged and this is where he confesses he's really "Zerocool".
Nikon of course with his photographic memory recites the details of the case and gushes over the big "fifteen hundred and seven" systems going down to Dade's virus - but Kate then cuts off the praise party with "there goes MIT". I... I don't know what she's saying here. The only MIT I'm aware of is the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Is Kate saying that because of all this she won't go to her preferred college? That's her primary concern? Come to think of it that was Dade's mom's main concern about Dade's future too. Does that count as a recurring theme? They were really playing on the socially constructed fears of teenagers here, weren't they?
Dade stands up and pledges to hack the Gibson himself to get the real file and clear all their names, and his academic future be damned! Nikon calculates that the cops will be onto him in five minutes, which I assumed was just his way of expressing "quickly", but apparently he means this literally.
Kate says if she helps they can do the hack in seven minutes, which is absolutely the most useless statement she can make. Cereal chips in offering to help because that gets them down to six minutes. Oh, I see where you're going with this, Hackers. Nikon then pseudo-reluctantly says he'll save all of them by adding his help, since his talents will bring it down to 5 minutes. Well ok then. As Dade says, "let's go shopping!"
Dade and Kate hop a fence at night to go dumpster diving for passwords (or something) at Ellingson. Kate falls on top of Dade in the dumpster which he remarks on, but it's not particularly clever and is a lame setup for Kate reaching down between them to get her flashlight. Not Dade's penis. Damn!
As they leave, a security guard notices them and calls out. Kate responds by firing a flare gun at the guard to scare him off, which is actually kind of cool. Of course it goes way off course and no one gets hurt, but if someone shot an incandescent ball of fire at me, I'd run like hell too.
It's daylight again so I guess it's the next day. Cereal steals a bunch of tools and a manual from the back of a phone company truck. We cut to a woman seated at a desk while Gill walks past so I guess this is the secret service building... Cereal then crawls out of under the woman's desk advising he couldn't locate the problem - what amuses me most here is the woman's reaction. She kind of jumps startled as if she didn't know Cereal was under the desk which made me assume he's snuck under there or climbed out of a manhole or something. Honestly, I don't know what to make of it. Cereal then strolls away after lewdly waggling his toolbelt in the woman's face. As she regains her composure, we cut to under the desk where Cereal has placed a small white box with a blinking red LED, presumably a phone tap.
Meanwhile, Nikon is walking around Ellingson mineral pretending to deliver flowers, watching people type in their passwords so he can memorise them. at one point Plague walks past him and regards him with confusion or suspicion but I think they only put Plague in there so we'd know Nikon was at Ellingson, because nothing is ever made of it.
Now we're at Plague's loft apartment and he's dicking around with the Launch/Cancel prompt screen for his Da Vinci virus. There's some exposition between him and Margo about the garbage file he got from Dade, and Plague is worried the hackers can now implicate him and Margo - so he launches the virus to give him an excuse to get the secret Service to arrest Dade and the others before they can bust him. Margo is naturally horrified again at Plague's willingness to cause massive oil spills, and is actually more concerned about the oil spill itself than being caught. Plague tells her there is no right and wrong, only "fun and boring". So... I guess since prison is dull and being rich is awesome, who cares about killing a bunch of whales and seals and shit?
Plague launches the virus then calls Gill, demanding he arrest the hackers so Plague can stop their virus in time. Gill submits arrest warrants for each of the hackers and I think this scene is where we actually learn Nikon's real name: Paul Cook.
Once he's done with that we cut to the phone tap under the desk and this bit throws me because as far as we know, Cereal only tapped the random woman's desk. Even if we assume she's his secretary, does Gill's phone line go through his secretary's phone? Was he telling his secretary to issue the warrants? Is his phone tapped directly? Who knows? It doesn't matter. Point is, Nikon and Cereal are listening in on a recording of Gill's line (there's old school tape spools behind them, so I assume it was a recording and not live - or maybe it was live and they were recording it too... again, it doesn't matter). Nikon calls Kate to report their impending arrests.
In a scene that I think is really well done (apart from some really, really stilted dialogue) the hackers meet up on a random train (I guess this symbolises movement, the events picking up speed?) to discuss their strategy - i.e.: how many passwords they stole. Nikon remarks he doesn't know how many he's memorised, but he's got a headache, so we can assume it's a shitload. Meanwhile, Cereal starts blathering on about how Ellingson handled (past tense) those oil spills on the fourteenth - Nikon reminds him that it's currently the thirteenth, so he's talking about the future.
Suddenly Kate realises that the oil spill is a cover for Plague's virus and that Plague is setting them up big time. She drags Dade off the train at the next stop, telling Cereal and Nikon to lay low while they sort something out.
Kate takes Dade to some kind of rap/hip hop concert where Razor and Blade are inexplicably dancing on stage. Dade ridicules Kate's "big plan" because Razor & Blade are a couple of "flakes", but Kate assures him they're "elite" and seriously, that's the entire dialogue. I was trying to streamline it for recap purposes, but it's not possible. Let's go through this again:
Dade: "Razor and Blade? They're flakes!"
Kate: "They're elite! Let's get 'em!"
Jesus, there are some places where the script is so lean that recapping feels redundant, but I've come this far, so let's forge on! We're almost on the final straight!
Kate and Dade make it backstage somewhere, and wander around aimlessly until a gun on a robot arm jabs Dade in the back, causing him to yell out. Razor and Blade appear on a monitor and demand to know what they wanted. Kate smack talks them a little bit, while Dade looks on nervously - after all, he's the one with the gun pointed at him. Razor and Blade decide they like Kate's balls but they can waste Dade - the gun fires. Literally, because it's just a cigarette lighter. My sides, they ache.
Kate and Dade meet face to face with Razor and Blade, and briefly explain the situation. Razor and Blade decide that they need more than just themselves, and propose that they send out a major distress call so all hackers worldwide can unite in this cause.
Now we can go on and on about technical inaccuracies, but this right here is the most unrealistic part of the movie. Yeah, let's send out the word so hackers can help a couple of kids in New York
We cut briefly to Dade hacking something that looks like a grid with traffic light icons. hmm, I wonder...
Now we're at central park and Nikon is playing chess against some orthodox looking Jew dudes. I guess this is supposed to be interesting because old Jewish guys are awesome at chess or something? Cereal gets a page (seriously! A page! ) which signals him it's time to start. Nikon moves a piece then smiles before leaving. the two Jewish dudes look befuddled like “whoa, that kid just owned us at chess. What the hell?”
 |
| Pretty sure this is still the most reliable form of transportation in New York City. |
The hackers are rollerblading down the street and there's some secret service vehicles moving to pursue them. Suddenly, all the traffic lights ahead flick over to green - a long clear path as far as they can see. As they pass through each intersection the lights on the intersecting streets turn green too, causing massive pile ups in their wake and creating a gridlock that the less mobile secret service agents are stuck in. Gill slaps a car in frustration, setting off a car alarm. Man, he just can't get a break.
At Grand Central station, the hackers are getting set up, hooking their laptops to a bunch of payphone booths, Dade telling everyone to use their best viruses. As opposed to what, Dade? Their shitty viruses? Outlook express? Dade is wearing a purple eyepiece here, and I guess if this were a hacking RPG it would give +1 to hacking or something. As it stands, it's purpose is never explained or commented on in any way. It's just there to look flashy and cool, so we know this is serious business.
For some reason Cereal chooses this moment to hoot like a malfunctioning robot gibbon, sheepishly announcing that he was just breaking the tension. Kate tells him to go something else and slots Joey into Cereal's place. Uh oh, lil' Joey is in the big leagues now! I’ll call this moment Chekov’s pistol, because it’s like Chekov’s gun, but shorter. I guess Joey's using Cereal's laptop, which he would be totally unfamiliar with. This is never remarked on, and never becomes important.
The hackers boot up their machines, various flashy personalised graphics appearing on the screen. We briefly see the Ellingson offices where phones are ringing and someone put dirty messages on their screen savers, before cutting to the computer room where Plague works. Margo acts clueless while Plague combats the viruses.
 |
| This is what hacking looks like. |
A cookie monster virus appears and demands a cookie. Apparently the cure is to type 'cookie'. Holy shit, I'm learning so much.
A zero bug is attacking login files. The cure is to run an anti-virus. Shouldn't there already be an anti-virus running passively? Or is this a special anti-virus that only works in short bursts?
There's a rabbit in the administration system. The cure is a "flu shot". What is this I don't even. Margo is equally as confused and asks what's going on. Ponyshades (hey Ponyshades, haven't seen you for awhile!) explains a rabbit replicates 'like cancer'.
The Da Vinci virus graphic starts singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" and we get a graphic that indicates the tankers are filling their ballast tanks and are starting to capsize.
Cut to Dade - he needs more time.
Cut to Plague - he has located the hackers and tells Gill.
Back to Dade - the phone near him is ringing. He takes time out of precious hacking schedule to answer it and be taunted by Plague.
 |
| Thank you for calling! |
Kate's phone rings, Razor and Blade are announcing their presence. We now get a montage of hackers all over the world joining in, and we know it's all over the world, because we see typical landmarks from England Italy
Ponyshades announces the hackers are going after the kernel, which Margo hears as "Colonel". Ponyshades explains that the kernel is like the computer's "brain", so Margo (who has a technical mental cache of about three items) connects this with the "cancer" from before and concludes that the Gibson now has "brain cancer". This is actually pretty funny, trust me.
At the station, secret service/SWAT team agents are storming in.
Quick cut to Dade: he's found the right garbage file.
Quick cut to Plague: he disconnects Dade.
Back to Dade: he reports that he's been cut off, Nikon responds by yelling that Joey is "stupid busy". Is that good or bad? I don't know.
Quick cut reminds us the secret service is still closing in, because it's been fifteen whole seconds since we last saw them. This is as close as this movie gets to having a chase scene.
Cut back to Dade, who is backseat coaching Joey on how to find the garbage file.
Cut to the secret service who have just ordered an empty bank of payphones to freeze - the handsets are all taped together or something, for some reason. I guess it was to mislead the secret service. I have no idea how this would actually work, but I'm not an awesome hacker. They continue running.
Back to Joey and Dade: the file is downloaded. Kate instructs Razor and Blade to 'kill the Gibson'.
Cut to Plague: the Da Vinci virus dies and the tanks stop capsizing.
Message on Plague's "systems display":
MESS WITH THE BEST
DIE LIKE THE REST
Because that's Dade's signature taunt which we saw one other time in this whole movie, get it? Even though technically it wasn't Dade who beat Plague at all. Whatever, let's move on. The Gibson dies. The hackers celebrate, the secret service arrive and arrest them.
As he's being led away, Dade (with his hands cuffed behind he back) reveals he has palmed the disc with the garbage file and perfectly blind-frisbees the disc into a nearby trash can without anyone noticing, despite being surrounded by secret service/SWAT.
Outside as Dade is pushed into a car, he notices Cereal in the crowd and starts yelling that "They're trashing our rights", and keeps repeating the word "trashing" until Cereal realises the significance. Cereal runs inside and finds the right bin, fishing out the disc.
Gill calls Plague to report the hackers were caught red handed. I guess this is some time later because the call reached Plague at his loft, and he and Margo celebrate by clinking champagne glasses and giggling before scurrying off to bed. I guess Margo is ok with being a criminal now that the tankers didn't capsize after all.
In Plague's office, Dade tries to take the full blame for the hacking, suggesting Kate was just some girl who doesn't really know anything about computers. Even though he's doing something noble, Kate looks pretty offended by this. Gill doesn't buy it anyway, and receives an intercom notification that Dade's mother has arrived so he leaves.
Dade and Kate have a moment where Dade explains to Kate he is only trying to protect her, because I guess she couldn't figure that out herself. Dade then activates the intercom and can hear Gill arguing with Dade's mom - she's steadfastly denying that Dade would do anything wrong which is pretty cool on her part, considering she doesn't actually know anything that happened and Dade only JUST got of probation for wrecking the stock market. She has no reason whatsoever to stuck up for him, but she does, even threatening to talk to the press. Gill tries to scare her by saying she can't talk to the press (although I guess it's ok for him to talk to them - hypocrite).
In Gill's office, Kate admits Mrs. Murphy's nerve. Dade seems to really appreciate her for the first time.
Outside again, Gill is in the middle of his big "hackers are evil" spiel while Joey and Nikon are led in, then suddenly Gill's broadcast is cut off and he's replaced by Cereal, broadcasting from an unknown location with the help of Razor and Blade.
Cereal reveals to everyone what the real plot was, that Margo is one of the account holders... for the worm that just stole $25 million from Ellingson. In Plague's loft, Margo sits bolt upright in bed, Plague next to her. We have a brief cut to back to Cereal on TV as he announces Plague is the other account holder. Back in Plague's loft, Margo turns to him... but he's vanished. She pats the covers in disbelief.
We cut to Gill who is understandably a bit miffed by the deception, though considering he believes Cereal’s explanation immediately it seems like being conned is part of Gill's daily routine. He'll believe ANYTHING, apparently.
The hackers are released and celebrate. Dade and his mom hug.
Later, Margo is being led past some police lockup cells, in juxtaposition to Phreak's arrest earlier. She offers to turn Plague over to them as the REAL culprit, though this isn't getting her anywhere, I guess since she has no idea where he actually is.
We cut to a plane, where "Mr. Babbage" (Plague in disguise) is sitting in business class working on a laptop. Later, this reference would be lifted in Bastard Operator from Hell, as the alias of the Bastard - I believe his associate the PFY goes by the name Mr. Pascal. Or maybe it's coincidence. Anyway, Gill has tracked Plague and arrests him. He then yells his innocence and calls for assistance. we get footage of the plane taking off, and frankly I can't figure out why. wouldn't they have kept the plane on the ground for the arrest? I don't get it.
We cut to New York
Dade then suggests they go for a swim, and suddenly they're swimming fully clothed in a rooftop swimming pool somewhere. Dade admits Kate is elite. Kate mockingly informs him that if he’d admitted that earlier they could have saved themselves a lot of time. Dade then draws Kate's attention to some nearby office buildings, where the lights are flashing on and off in specific windows to spell out "Crash and Burn". Kate laughs.
 |
| Crash and what? CRASH AND WHAT? GOD DAMN IT. |
Dade now starts to confess that he's been having weird dreams. Kate finishes his sentence, so she's admitting it too. They kiss. Credits roll over semi-artistic imagery of them swimming and undressing (though we never see any actual nudity).
THE END.
For the record, none of the images are mine. I shamelessly stole them off google.
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